Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
