Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
