U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
