Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
