These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
