i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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