I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Hippo gnu deer
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
