Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
