apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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