areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
