the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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