So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
