Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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