but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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