she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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