By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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