I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
