he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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