I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
