Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You dont lie about slip and slides
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
