Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
