before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
