How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You pole danced in your parka.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
