I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
