I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
