I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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