i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
