I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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