We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
