I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
