I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
