I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Randomize
