I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
