oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
