It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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