seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
