I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
