I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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