Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize