the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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