I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
