The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼‍♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
