I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
