Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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