I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
