Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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