I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
