I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize