I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Your dad touched me again.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
