woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
