I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
