yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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