I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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