why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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