We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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