it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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