Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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