woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
