cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
