Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
