3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
