im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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