508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
