the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
