??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
