i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
