I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
