Please, let me fuck your mom
there's paper in my vomit.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
His nipple licking is glorious
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