omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
