You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
