Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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