Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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