I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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