Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
