Got a toothbrush?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
