Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
this boner is exhausting
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
