ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
