foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
