Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
