ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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