Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
