I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize