I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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