I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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