nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am spending my child support on dildos
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
