I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
