2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
