Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
