I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Even my vagina gasped.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
