i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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