i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
