I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
