Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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