ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
