I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize