Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
