Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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