i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
