Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We left the knife in your bed.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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