bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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