I only kidnapped one of them. chill
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
MIDGETS
????
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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