tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
