Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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