I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
