I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just found puke in my bra..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
A+ Viking dick
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize