I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
