Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
