I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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