I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's official drugs can't kill me
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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